risa story

at the corner of that crowded coffee shop.. i did see you..waiting and fell asleep.. at the same time.. i did see me.. i did surrender to love.. as love were watching me, and us

there are words, emotions, experiences kept tightly inside.. trembling while i did listening.. we were walking.. people around me, they didn't have any slightly idea..for what i could feel.. when spaces and times are not exist.. we are talking beyond the emotions..even don't care, laugh for our strongest fear when life is only one face, among us.. it is love in thousand dimensions

i don't have words.. i cannot digest my knowledge  i am in amazement, for life asked me once again.. going beyond my dreams.. i do listen 

learned to go further.. it is okay with my fears.. it is okay with my limitations.. what people wants from me embrace the laughs and smiles.. it is okay going along with life.. and with you..we go beyond that

it was a queue.. he was in hurry, money's grabbed tightly.. he is only a little boy.. but his"thank you" and naive ness understated this.. a little act of kindness could open thousand doors to experience.. to feel the heart of being human.. in this crowded space, he helped me to meet myself once again.. thank you..

i am not brave enough.. stumbling into my vulnerability.. while looking into your face.. how this love could be so deep. beyond my hopes and thoughts..my expectations how i could easily see myself in your smile.. the nights and days cheat on me once again.. they run and leave me inside us.. i am just another pure witness of my heart.. it is love..

it is humble and honest.. disrespect our social images and boundaries.. as our worlds shift exponentially.. love talks no nonsense.. it is truly understanding the simplicity of being in love.. “In love the paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two.” ― Erich Fromm

while discussing and sipping my coffee.. hectic and crowded surrounded me, enveloped me they tried to take away my attention but in a second.. my mind intermingled with yours.. in a second my feeling's being carried away to meet yours in a second..all the events presented like beautiful pictures.. you and me.. my love or yours? i am not so sure... but love creates de javu once again

could hear the pray.. sky and paddy fields.. the stormy raining... and me.. i am in the center of these busy talks among them.. and love sits quite with me..

come and sit with me,,, beautiful sky outside..and we have our coffee.. i know.. love and happiness in others could ignite your insecurities, the powerless you.. are afraid because have to walk in the land of your un knowing ness alone but please be okay with them.., hugging weaknesses.. and be okay with your reflections on me.. simply celebrate, because we are only humans,,,, “Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties.” ― Erich Fromm

i don't believe any premonitions, mine or others.. because premonitions talk with the same language with the past.. two of them stubbornly refuse to go further.. the fact is.. they are afraid of seeing and meeting me..

this undefined guilty feeling came.. could not understand why life and love were not kind enough.. no stories or reasons for me no simple answer offered.. i am speechless.. maybe this hustle bustle of life carried me away.. from me,,, no translation of what i feel... maybe it is time for me to accept that i know nothing...

because when ever i see you..i am strong enough to carry your pains.. your worries are in my pocket.. learn to laugh with you.. be okay with your secrets.. when ever we are together.. i do listen to your simple weirdness and uniqueness.. keeping you in my arms.. like a warrior and a lover at the same time... it is love unconditionally..

i do understand the past.. but i ask myself not become a mind captured, strangled, directed by my past

there is a necessity, life given for me, revisiting certain places.. with different or same persons.. in better understanding, with new "eyes" and new realizations.. unfinished business, an old scenario need to be re opened.. i do thank life for welcoming me to rewrite my own stories.. and.. i do thank life for being in love with you..

refusing to act the same..in the name of what they called spirituality.. please forgive me for being different.. because after what i saw.. how could i cheat my own eyes.. witnessing angels there, surrounding without choosing or judgment just giving and in totally love.. waiting.. i am lucky enough to be invited once again seeing what sky is talking about..

discussed about angels and devils.. for me..it might be there are no devils.. only angels who forget to come, visit me.. remind me to believe and trust love...

am i wrong for thinking that i am right..? am i right for thinking others know better than me..? am i honest enough.. for feeling okay whether i am wrong or right..? for i could be in the same tune with my heart...

i do admit there are certain persons or certain events that could "push buttons" on me.. uncontrolled response bursting emotions.. i could not help these could easily bury me deeply.. when ever they happen.. i do whisper to my past.. okay i think you should let me go.. and the past answers.. it is difficult.. but i do assure you.. i do promise i ask love to come along.. and acceptance accompany you..

i am a romantic one.. cry easily and feel deeply in almost everything.. enjoy my morning coffee like it is my last one.. while looking into your eyes and eagerly find reflections of me and us.. i do learn how to love without asking us to choose the future..

i do questioning myself..for too afraid of my mistakes and failures.. asking why secretly -if i could- i want to change my past how could i believe too much on my assumptions, predictions.. insanely create a "me as center" world.. i do asking myself to slow down.. indulging me as i am.. accepting that.. i resist experiencing pains and fears.. not allowing myself indulging my doubts.. and along the way.. i walk side by side with myself..

“If someone offered you a pill that would make you permanently happy, you would be well advised to run fast and run far. Emotion is a compass that tells us what to do, and a compass that perpetually stuck on north is worthless.” ― Daniel Gilbert

there are ways in understanding love.. for me.. it is simply stepping into uncomfortable feelings, the uneasiness..fragile me a realization hit me it is me, whom love needs to know first..

for years.. people and their stories are being kept faithfully.. make me realize.. my story is just another adding to theirs.. but this love makes mine special.. i love you..

sky is my ego destroyer.. merciless.. destruct my stories.. don't listen to my image melting mine into thousand pieces of dust.. how could i say no for experiencing this humble and unknown me..

was talking with sky last night.. as two of us observed painfully the luxuries of what this life could offer.. complicated demanding amazement with strong un naive ness, fake ness. i turned my head.. asked my heart. it answered bluntly, you need nothing as you are only a dust vibrating in time you asked for.. in role you wanted for.. be simple and embrace me.. so you could understand love.. and yourself..once again..

may be i have been chosen by myself.. to experience and feel life.. as i was in this cafe..watching people passed by and the sky was so blue with undefined beauty, unanswered questions within.. pasts, sat with me shoulder to shoulder and for some moments, they just left me,  picked the far distance table away from mine, ignored me as my remembering mind tried to decide am i honest enough for telling you this..? in the world full these uncertainties, doubts..and unknowing ness.. maybe i have chosen you to experience love with me...

“We can either emphasize those aspects of our traditions, religious or secular, that speak of hatred, exclusion, and suspicion or work with those that stress the interdependence and equality of all human beings. The choice is yours. (22)” ― Karen Armstrong , Twelve Steps to a Compassionate Life

make laugh of myself.. the way i treat myself seriously.. with my tons of mistakes.. and it is comforting..

have to forgive..and let go because hatred is too heavy to be carried.. make me forget that live in my "heaven" is about my choice..

“I am a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality.” ― Byron Katie , Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

some said..love is just another big lie.. but please.. be with lovers.. listen to their heart beats.. the way they hold each other, try to conquer time.. as the silence and nights wrap them around in thousands sacred ways... passionate and naive.. listening to our stories with out judgement and assumptions.. because we are touched by the wordless beauty of love..

craziness, weirdness seen in others certain things which make me upset easily.. to be honest.. they are just spotlighting 'me' which i refuse stubbornly to see.. they are innocence..

not about knowledge or possession.. egg skin strength of my fake image.. arrogance ego of mine.. my humanity shows the honesty of fear.. clear dialogue of my brain and my doubt.. teach me how to wait patiently to understand and be understood as love rebuilds us..

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i give myself permission to scrutinize my intellectual side of my knowledge.. before.. i do read yours.. i do let myself make jokes of my failures.. keen enough to questioning and learn from them.. before.. i am calm enough to let me accepting yours.. extrovert enough to make you to see me.. introvert enough, so i could indulging my secrets or spirituality land.. be concern, care but not eager to change us.. celebrate our complexity and at the same time our simplicity.. lets partying over our lives and us..and love

honesty came, sitting with me..shoulder to shoulder i could hear love whispering.. change every cells of mine.. trembling, radiantly glowing.. for a moment..i became a naive witness of what sky talking about..

walking in and into unknowingness of my experiences.. i could feel very strong that.. my soul, heart, and love agreed to vibrate in the same tune..with or without "me"

was amazed.. when the universe, dust, and me confessed that we are just identically existence of nothingness.. they really understand my bold unspoken language of tears.. describing love..

i am so light and my wings are so strong they took me to a sacred place where secret is being kept was so mesmerized by its beauty baby, please talk to me.. weighed me down to this earth..ask me for not go so far my soul needs reasons and they are us..

remind myself many times... for not judging people. feel like i am sitting on my throne.. watching down on people.. suggesting things for them to choose.. believing that i am the rule creator.. the know-er even though there are uncountable books not yet read by me..paradigms not yet acknowledged... keep remind me judging make me a "god wanna be"..and i do burn down my wings... “Beyond our ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the phrase ‘each other’ doesn’t make sense any more.” ― Rumi

intimacy is whenever i forgive that i know little about myself, you.. and simply accepting us..

i try so hard to recreate myself working diligently, listen to my knowledge noted what people want for me my images..but then i throw them away, avoid building 'what i want to look alike' me and love... once again steps in asking me to stop these foolish efforts.. let love and true 'you' design you.. from perspective you've never known exist.. be surrender, witnessing the beauty of being human.. this time..just relax and enjoy

i am amazed by this language of love.. the feelings intertwine with our subtle emotions.. the looks and smiles befriend with this silence.. the problems are accompanied with our laughs truly.. understanding is beyond my knowledge.. experiencing love makes me not human anymore.. i do touch heaven sky and listening the strangeness is accepted  as love holds us

sometimes forget to respect others..because i forget to respect myself.. as  for sure i do remind myself not to ignore our beauties.. not to forget that we create our wings..and unfortunately we could easily burn them down.. along the way.. we do choose.. and i do choose us..

get these " important things to be learned" from the book! say NO, easier to keep my life simple..people could make me exhausted..not only zombie do not pile things..see and forget..those price tags and fancy dresses could be my lil sad flags announcing my fragile territory and yes, debts could be more ferocious than zombie forget blink blink jewelry need days "no high heels allowed" for me run is my best exercise..no expensive gym or yoga class eat less and be vegan and be skeptic.. who could predict anything because future is a big question.. be open minded one.. okay..let me drink my coffee...

A great silence comes over me, and I wonder why I ever thought to use language.” ― Rumi

maybe life could not be taken easily maybe places could stop calling names one day maybe sky could not guarantee sun shines maybe what i want could not come instantly no matter how loud i scream my wish maybe i need times, long enough that consume my patience, to understand my fears.. maybe you and me passed hundreds of  veils of doubts before agree to walk together.. but for sure.. love needs "maybe" and uncertainties.. so we could create our wings..

i am stubborn enough.. to believe in things not yet fully understood.. in events, places, moments not yet revealed stories not yet told.. sides of me not yet met by me because the first time i met us.. all things that i believed have started talking to me, try to make me understand it is subtle but with us.. maybe i am honest enough..to believe in love..

You will accumulate more knowledge and more books as you grow older, and the growing number of unread books on the shelves will look at you menancingly. Indeed, the more you know, the larger the rows of unread books. Let us call this collection of unread books an antilibrary.” ― Nassim Nicholas Taleb , The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable

fears could confuse me and us.. but honestly each moments..drags me closer to us.. i do ask many times how could our wishes talk louder than fears.. maybe we need to simply enjoy our cups of coffee.. listening to our unknown

while we're walking along this pedestrian road.. old buildings, windows...and night they accompany us.. we dance gracefully with our pasts.. reconstruct them into ours.. we are laughing..

“We come spinning out of nothingness, scattering stars like dust.” ― Rumi

we may not have enough time..or perfect pasts.. could not turn them into ours.. but i could not complain...as love says not for... drinking our coffee and seeing raining from inside.. how could i say no to us..

they choose me.. to come and when.. but places, they have their secret to be solved.. as i kept asking why they insisted me not to come..my eagerness and efforts are nothing i could not go alone..and they waited.. till we found each others.. because they need us to listen to their stories...

“Happiness. Simple as a glass of chocolate or tortuous as the heart. Bitter. Sweet. Alive.” ― Joanne Harris , Chocolat

beautiful is.. when ever i do love my life.. learning from things not yet learned and understood..

for our mornings, days, evenings, and nights.. and love simply needs us..

watching mist and cloudy sky..during our breakfast.. you are listening to me..as i am busy talking about wind and sand castle from structured to unstructured me.. might be my body and emotions, ego are low entropy substances.. created by my limited time here from culture and persons, my knowledge.. path already chosen for me.. certain things to do.. my soul and heart are another stories from my high entropy substances like the air..this mist, or morning sky.. they are experts in asking me not to trust too much on my exist knowledge..and they are honest.. while we are drinking our coffee.. i have to confess.. my low and high entropy substances love you.. and they are honest..

okay, not going to ask myself to win each games life given.. not telling myself to plan my revenge.. or waiting patiently to see someone's fall, soon or later..... but for sure..i do leisurely taste my anger.. buying the feeling of not being in peace.. laugh at myself as i try to become the center of the righteous.. i do love being a human, being imperfect..

things run so fast.. watching in vain how creativity takes control.. i am here..and you are with me.. observing all in details and try to be calm... while doing that.. we enjoy our cups of coffee.. maybe it is true..we need to be in silence, diligently observers of life itself.. so life could tell our stories and i need to tell you that i do love you, and undoubtedly.. us “Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties.” ― Erich Fromm

  could not hide from these surreal and real feelings intertwine all into me.. and i do surrender because places are honest...

i learned about karma..it is me, the one who say enough and forgive, make the circle closed.. knowing that each told the story of me.. make me understand that there is no thing that accidentally happen.. and i learned about love.. that always highlighting my circles into gold.. anata no hitomi no oku ni hisomu shounenn   (the young boy hidden deep within your eyes) utada hikaru.. 

before, i was too afraid of having one.. i said, okay..let me flow and surrender to life, pain or fear, even joys could not insist me.. i did refuse my mind struggled, my body was tired.. as i said no.. many times.. to them not dare enough to visualize or imagine i knew dream could ignite other dreams, grow and invite more to join.. would change my comfort zone, destruction and annihilation.. threat my believes, my masks.. until.. dream kidnapped me.. and yes, i am right.. one is never enough.. drinking my coffee this morning.. grinning and smiling at the same time dream is an expert in teaching me how to forget my mistakes or failures.. make me starting all over again.. in each and every morning of mine.. Ever since happiness heard your name, it has been running through the streets trying to find you. Hafiz

thank you for listening to my notes.. understand my pictures.. try really hard to be honest as life offers me signs and situations.. like million pieces of mirrors, merciless,  reflecting myself.. i try to tell you.. love and heart they make me brave enough.. to ask you to sit with me.. laugh and tears.. and cups of hot coffee.. thank you...

baby, us is about learning that we know nothing.. and enjoy...

sometimes i don't have words to describe.. said i do easily feel happy with no reasons.. even though situations cheated on me tried to make me forget the sweetness of hope and love helped me to walk with pride.. now, i am asking you to be with me.. because love is easy and undemanding love could bring me to a place with no name.no attributes allowed..no if.. and i am taking you with me..

I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. J.D. Salinger and that's you are..

learn to stay on the ground.. put down my wings.. creating my footsteps onto keep walking he said he is right..and i am totally wrong.. isn't life amazing, baby?

life adds, recreates me.. things i have never known that waiting for me to be discovered.. myself, my layers, my core.. situations told me the roads that have taken and you and us this morning i was here and watched all by myself be observer of the sky and morning the hue and face of -glittering sky on the surface- little lake.. and little ezra and your face.. i may learn new languages of love.. while doing that i rediscover me...

. . need to listen to my heart to see this simple beauty.. people..in their houses.. night and its warm coldness. it speaks loudly and bluntly.. i need to stop talking.. waiting to know the stories being kept.. take them all into mine..

there are times... i could feel there is no hatred in my heart.. pure..and white as silk.. i may say wrong things, do unusual, going places to where nobody wants to think and go beyond sky and clouds..and talking strange language.. i am weird and quirky.. unpredictable.. and drinking coffee with you.. easy.. simple.. it is time when i could not find others crawled in my life..no stories before..or yours it is only us.. and me, looking at us.. could i say more to life? let me hug you.. so our hearts beat the same tune..again “The heart is a The thousand-stringed instrument That can only be tuned with Love.” ― حافظ , The Gift  

thousands things to be celebrated.. promise to myself many times for not taking things for granted.. and looking at you.. is one thing..

it is my "happily ever after" in each and every moment i do say yes to life and say... i love you..

i am sure that i have been with you for so long.. before our time and places here.. before names were created and called.. it was an ordinary way for you and me to meet us.. maybe too ordinary.. because this life is part of our journeys.. and soon or later.. our hands are holding each others, like it used to be.. past and future, they dance with us.. mornings know very well  how to greet us.. nights know how to pamper us.. forgive me..for you found me first.. or i may say, found us first.. but still the taste of our love is beyond our words.. “The Earth would die If the sun stopped kissing her.” ― حافظ , The Gift  

life is simple, maybe i need to be simple too so i could dance with...

this place... where you are right now God circled a map for you.. Hafidz.

i do simply adore you.. because you welcome me to taste your past... and ask me to stay in the moment..

slow down, so i could rediscover the core of my being and as usual.. love talks to me clearly

i could sense life.. discuss with and perceive things that are hidden.. construct reconstruct create and diminish simply by drinking my coffee i do listen and stop comment.. please, sit with me... be yourself and me... let me be us...

for me.. a closed door isn't a strong reason for not enjoy knocking.. it's fun waiting to be opened..to be honest.. the thrill.. yeah' it may take time.. but who knows.. a surprise party for me..?

persons and events  i just did see before.. waiting in amazement as i know they will appear in such persist sequences not going to blame myself.. i may accidentally listen to the secret.. went away to where time and place have no name..

could we run away for some days? i'd love to see the world from the lover's eyes..

need to humble enough.. listen to wishes and dreams of others.. connect and recreate put my heart into it.. and they help me to make my wishes come true.. put their hearts into them.. keep moving even though i almost give up this beauty is beyond my knowledge.. they talk about our humanity and love..

little thing is not, never, forgotten,, the way, how sunshine and wind kissed my hair.. was weeping and crying like a kid maybe i was wrong, not listening to believes or cultures.. but the feeling lingers, stays with me.. enrich each and every part of my cells..

every atom belonging to you, belongs to me.. Walt Whitman

maybe hate is not an exist exact feeling.. there is a hollow in mine.. dark one.. when i could not touch my humanity where i lost respect to my own ups and downs, and others and whenever I forget to love.. hate will move in and stay

yes, i have flaws.. and they create thousands wings.. i figure out that now i don't have name or image.. memory or wishes.. but i could soar to place with no name.. the secrets of love

no complicated things to be understood.. still like others, we make our plans.. knowing that like others, we have this fear of losing each others.. try very hard to remind ourselves.. life is our journey here.. and beyond that.. it is love and us..

i prefer to be a good listener.. a very diligent one and strong enough.. when ever i listen from you.. emotions, feelings, thoughts..clearly or not.. they are reflecting back to me as mine.. maybe it is true, that i do listen to myself through you..

funny to see how we eagerly show only the good and positive sides of ours.. hide the negative ones.. mistakes may not dust this sacred, but could be superficial, humans for me learned from my falls and mistakes i couldn't touch sky.. when insisting that i have wings.. because wings are given...

i am just one of another me formed and created by culture, believes..knowledge.. when ever i look into this vast ocean.. or sky above.. or simply your eyes.. my reflection bounces back.. the peace, love.. and me,  are whispering... thanks so much for experience these..

crazy enough questioning myself.. have so many why's get so tense and cringe when doubts with me.. unluckily i do turn my focus on you.. the same why's in the middle of this commotion.. i need to say.. c' mon don't take myself too seriously.. i need a break.. baby, i'll make hot coffee latte for us!

need to open my heart.. so i could see...not through this complicated me.. and i am holding your hand.. you are always welcomed to see what i see...

you could borrow my sights so you could see what i feel when ever and where ever i miss you..

life is abundance.. and love is accepting life and you..

admit this..that i do need you..

culture, community, people..they love talking about limitations.. exact things that have to be done.. my yes or no..the signs and path.. i have tendency, not believe in them.. i believe in life..

so close make myself easily to read.. you keep quiet.. i am questioning all. and watching you sleeping... make me watching my fears.. i am nothing and easily get nowhere.. addicted to find the answers of my stay here.. God,... love stubbornly gives me more wings...

and who is this nice man? hey girl you forget your purse.. was there beside that coffee machine.. and for all my friends with punk hair and tattoo, leather jackets.. forgive me... unconsciously i do judge you..

seeing you.. thousands of me are watching me.. observing the feelings of my humanity.. you are part of me.. the depth and this vast make me speechless.. i am totally absorbed by love..

ask myself to.. give me reasons to choose get tense so easily be so ambitious..try so hard getting what i want.. say thousand times that loose is not in my vocabulary still, at the end of the day, i admit that i live in the world of others and needs or give me reasons to choose watching me and life.. seeing me dance with love.. enjoy my moment here.. passion and works walking on the same path and while doing that i do create my own "world"

“In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you.” ― Deepak Chopra

you said to me... so sorry for the past.. i was not there with you.. and you were not there for us.. i answered.. please baby, thank life.. because with experiencing these pains of mine and yours.. we do understand and appreciate love, as much as we need..

dream of us... no diamonds or luxury party.. just us.. pray for our simple celebrations of life and love.. each and every day we spend together..

surely, i am now okay with the heartaches, the pain of broken promises, shattered dreams I had.. totally okay with my old drama of nights with cry and hot chocolate strolling to places and jealousy struck whenever saw people in so much love..desperately lost i do accept that with no doubts.. they are okay.. put down my hot cappuccino..smile and hug you tightly.. for me, life is always love in disguise...

an evening is my honest beauty..