risa story

i borrow eyes from billion cells of mine.. each of their point of views.. i love to create my "no- routine, boring without surprise" life

i am enjoying each moment with you.. being so frugal.. keeping all feelings and hopes closely.. and our hearts talking.. we are now and the past behind us.. like puzzle, with each and every pieces lead to us.. how could we discard them? we are drinking and sipping our coffee locking your face inside my heart.. how could i ask more?

when others believe in their own limitations eagerly telling me that i have too stubborn me keep saying no, i choose to rewrite my story... and rewrite our stories with you.. cause love has no other name

you said you're not romantic.. but the way you look at me.. your worries.. the way we dance.. your arms hug me while i am sleeping.. love is your only language.. ours..

  i am woman enough to have so many worries.. woman enough to embrace those emotions and feelings.. but keep my "man" side.. so i could move on  i fall in love with my angel side and "dark" side.. earth and heaven..they collide sometimes.. am i lucky or what?

i think about persons some are giving me hard lessons some give me headache with their unreasonable thoughts those harsh comments, insisting me to follow their limitations maybe i need to ask a biggest question to myself why do i want to change them..? why not let them to be..so i could let myself unattached and smile..

and was listening to warwick avenue by duffy..

there are some cities, beaches, places.. i was there and you were not.. strolling around and sipping coffee with locals.. listen to their stories.. searching for knowing myself and facing my fears alone.. name those places, one by one.. saying again and again.. being alone and traveling make me understand that i love you undoubtedly.. Paradoxically, the ability to be alone is the condition for the ability to love.” ― Erich Fromm , The Art of Loving

happiness could haunt.. could we have those more?..or at least like we have now..? could the same jokes make me laugh as hard as i have now..? the same love notes give me your brightest smile ? could my hug warmer..and make u sleep like a baby? i dont know and neither you.. some people said..love withers some said..we change and love fades.. but to be honest.. we are brave enough to see our flaws contemplating our mistakes and pasts. Thank God, we are with each other.. uncountable blessings, in your arms while we sip our coffee from the same mug..and raining out side.. the sound of film from TV behind our talking.. maybe its okay to live with doubts.. and with love.. forever..

to be honest.. love needs no ambitions, no agenda.. and if love has.. we called love with other name..

i told you, if i could...i want to stop the moment.. me and you, make it freeze and bring all my emotions and yours. asking time for not ticking.. so hurt to see happiness flowing with hours and minutes.. our hearts talked to me.. dont dare enough to ask being alive and in love..means you take a bravest step to face your humanity and his.. asking angels to listen because you know exactly the feel of love and to be loved.. they are eternity...

they call me romantic, i am okay with that..maybe because i could spot love wherever others can't-whenever others stop to believe in..

nearly one and half years, the books and films intoxicated me with "it" after all... this morning, the taste of my coffee still mesmerize me.. the sky is so blue, "golden kissed by the sunshine" leaves below, the smell of breakfast.. the air..the wind..adding my day and your "good morning" lingers, staying with me and if...(i told myself again and again not to believe that) for sure, love is there.. keeps us secure... “Beauty surrounds us.” ― Rumi

i could feel your emotions.. your mind and your heart...busy talking to me like winds blow from many directions at the same time.. each of them tell me your past and hopes.. but nothing i could do to change them i need to hold you in my arms.. for i do love you...

did i band aid my unnoticed pain with shopping? adding more things into my drawers.. and yes..lousy shopper could be a lousy lover.. not focus on details.. insist for not be honest and not celebrating life as it is

i have to be honest i don't know the answers couldn't peek, searching and finding out what will happen in the future.. i don't have that ability.. after all i need to understand me giving more love and attention... and while doing that i do understand you and life...

dealing with people feel the emotions..listen to every details and moves.. stealing their fears.. facing our truths of worries, cut apart hopes..and impermanence i learned one thing.. i need to be honest...

step aside , stop and relax..let it flows.. enjoy every efforts and works that need to be done.. and ambitions are not invited. because i ask my wishes to do their work..

breakfasts and dinners.. our coffees the way we share our meals laughs and silly jokes.. unimportant chitchat your smiles and our serious discussions over many things exchanging glances and simply being together for me that's life

“Forget safety. Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious.” ― Rumi

i need to learn for so many years try to accepting that there is no limitation for love.. it's always okay for me to tell you for thousand times that i love you more now..

“It is true that those we meet can change us, sometimes so profoundly that we are not the same afterwards, even unto our names.” ― Yann Martel , Life of Pi

you said..it is my biggest fear you are not here with me..left alone and this world would be empty.. i smiled why this fear haunt you.. make you forget how beautiful life is.. after all, i am the one who hugging you..now

she asked me you said love is simple and life too how could you say that how could i say not its about... yes or no trust or not go or stay forget or not let go or keep your pains love with no doubts or keep those fears you do choose but please listen first to your heart be honest...

some said, love could be so dangerous.. could hit you, stab you with no mercy but please listen to me.. that is the other story.. love is always gentle, and comforting.. maybe i should say that i am the person who choose asking myself what kind of love do i have.. before i turn to you and hug you say again i do love you...

sometimes i am so speechless.. watching things run so fast.. days and nights.. time likes sands escaping from my fingers.. i am looking into my brown and white hue of my coffee.. then gazing and observing each leave of trees outside my window.. my adventure, journeys..coloring me..and you i have to be honest.. i am... never be the same person..

you said..you love to see me sleeping.. see naughtiness, cleverness...and pureness see me so simple and brave.. i said.. only love could see love.. thanks so much for see me with those

a honeymoon suite of Sasak people beyond this hustle bustle of life.. beyond needs and obligations.. beyond things and rush days always try to find my simple happiness.. and you are my simple happiness...

“All I have is all I need and all I need is all I have in this moment.” ― Byron Katie

from a window building at old city Lombok

i said many times that i love to be alone.. traveling..let myself listen more..and talk less be free from pain as i add more space and stay far..observing get lost in others past and history it was before you asked me to walk with you be with you.. and insist me to love togetherness as much as being alone you are right..

we reached out and touched our souls.. could they see what we see? so many subtle emotions invited here with us..

trees and leaves are stories keepers of...people and love

this drawing...have you and I...and love

all the words and sentences disappear.. i am so weak.. whenever seeing love goes beyond the border of life and death.. simply connecting the dots of unknowing knowledge into acceptance.. and our hearts listen, angels keep quiet.. because only humans dare enough to experience this...

could you see two of them, baby? under the red umbrella, on the sofa.. sun light shone.. their faces were glowing, with their eyes were brighter than the morning sun itself... they looked at you..radiate with enormous understanding.. finally they are together again.. always forever in love..

my precious.. so sorry for being insensitive i couldn't dare enough to see behind those laughs.. it is me who said not okay for seeing sadness in you.. fear for it could hurt and break you into pieces.. maybe.. it is time for me, to sit with you.. and glue all the pieces understand love paints impermanence pieces of life into permanence

every morning.. i pour all my taste and feeling into my coffee.. savour every sip and feel like having all the beauty of my days inside my pocket..

reading my notes.. and be with me.. try to indulge and understand the ups and downs of life.. and thanks again.. because you are my mirror always uncomplicated truth and reflecting the beauty of being us

love makes me brave enough to say.. i really need you in my life..

we were looking at the same sky, each of us...wondering and wishing. could we find each other?

deal with my 'dark' feelings first then.. sitting, having coffee with you... everything is crystal clear now... maybe it is true.. need to listen to myself  before listen to you...

“The main condition for the achievement of love is the overcoming of one's narcissism. The narcissistic orientation is one in which one experiences as real only that which exists within oneself, while the phenomena in the outside world have no reality in themselves, but are experienced only from the viewpoint of their being useful or dangerous to one. The opposite pole to narcissism is objectivity; it is the faculty to see other people and things as they are , objectively, and to be able to separate this objective picture from a picture which is formed by one's desires and fears.” ― Erich Fromm , The Art of Loving

life could offer you this self image a mask to make you feel okay some keep adding layers after the pains so people think they are immune from pain always survive and brave for me.. i prefer to show my feelings the pains and failures..the heart breaks my tears my smiles as the ways i say give up i realize it is easier for me to let others see "me" be vulnerable.. so love could take my hands and braveness is another nick name of my honesty...

and yellow leaves fell down on the wet road..swirling before and my sneakers say hello to them.. sky and clouds and me..every morning talking in language of stillness it is only jogging at the morning, they say I say..its my time to have an amazing dialogue with this grand universe

we do have our stories... there will be an ending.. I need to accept that and still life offers me to see beyond and not let others dictate my A or Z make it simple.. enjoy and let go my ambition once a while hug passion so passion and me collaborate in every work I do remind me to always laugh with mornings and when ever I am with you we embrace the moments.. life is simple..why we make it complicated

for days and nights.. I havent known you yet never known there is you waiting for me and i am waiting for you.. for days and nights.. we are not together.. they tell me.. that I do simply love you..

you asked me do you have this feeling? yes, so much.. I do sit with my jealousy.. long enough.. open up and discuss my past long enough so they could describe "me" and they don't see you through my eyes.. not coloring my love with fears sometimes they walk with us, but they are busy with their own business and we could sit and have our cups of coffee.. looking into each others with love..