risa story

i borrow eyes from billion cells of mine.. each of their point of views.. i love to create my "no- routine, boring without surprise" life

i am enjoying each moment with you.. being so frugal.. keeping all feelings and hopes closely.. and our hearts talking.. we are now and the past behind us.. like puzzle, with each and every pieces lead to us.. how could we discard them? we are drinking and sipping our coffee locking your face inside my heart.. how could i ask more?

when others believe in their own limitations eagerly telling me that i have too stubborn me keep saying no, i choose to rewrite my story... and rewrite our stories with you.. cause love has no other name

you said you're not romantic.. but the way you look at me.. your worries.. the way we dance.. your arms hug me while i am sleeping.. love is your only language.. ours..

  i am woman enough to have so many worries.. woman enough to embrace those emotions and feelings.. but keep my "man" side.. so i could move on  i fall in love with my angel side and "dark" side.. earth and heaven..they collide sometimes.. am i lucky or what?

i think about persons some are giving me hard lessons some give me headache with their unreasonable thoughts those harsh comments, insisting me to follow their limitations maybe i need to ask a biggest question to myself why do i want to change them..? why not let them to be..so i could let myself unattached and smile..

and was listening to warwick avenue by duffy..

there are some cities, beaches, places.. i was there and you were not.. strolling around and sipping coffee with locals.. listen to their stories.. searching for knowing myself and facing my fears alone.. name those places, one by one.. saying again and again.. being alone and traveling make me understand that i love you undoubtedly.. Paradoxically, the ability to be alone is the condition for the ability to love.” ― Erich Fromm , The Art of Loving

happiness could haunt.. could we have those more?..or at least like we have now..? could the same jokes make me laugh as hard as i have now..? the same love notes give me your brightest smile ? could my hug warmer..and make u sleep like a baby? i dont know and neither you.. some people said..love withers some said..we change and love fades.. but to be honest.. we are brave enough to see our flaws contemplating our mistakes and pasts. Thank God, we are with each other.. uncountable blessings, in your arms while we sip our coffee from the same mug..and raining out side.. the sound of film from TV behind our talking.. maybe its okay to live with doubts.. and with love.. forever..

to be honest.. love needs no ambitions, no agenda.. and if love has.. we called love with other name..

i told you, if i could...i want to stop the moment.. me and you, make it freeze and bring all my emotions and yours. asking time for not ticking.. so hurt to see happiness flowing with hours and minutes.. our hearts talked to me.. dont dare enough to ask being alive and in love..means you take a bravest step to face your humanity and his.. asking angels to listen because you know exactly the feel of love and to be loved.. they are eternity...

they call me romantic, i am okay with that..maybe because i could spot love wherever others can't-whenever others stop to believe in..

nearly one and half years, the books and films intoxicated me with "it" after all... this morning, the taste of my coffee still mesmerize me.. the sky is so blue, "golden kissed by the sunshine" leaves below, the smell of breakfast.. the air..the wind..adding my day and your "good morning" lingers, staying with me and if...(i told myself again and again not to believe that) for sure, love is there.. keeps us secure... “Beauty surrounds us.” ― Rumi

i could feel your emotions.. your mind and your heart...busy talking to me like winds blow from many directions at the same time.. each of them tell me your past and hopes.. but nothing i could do to change them i need to hold you in my arms.. for i do love you...

did i band aid my unnoticed pain with shopping? adding more things into my drawers.. and yes..lousy shopper could be a lousy lover.. not focus on details.. insist for not be honest and not celebrating life as it is

i have to be honest i don't know the answers couldn't peek, searching and finding out what will happen in the future.. i don't have that ability.. after all i need to understand me giving more love and attention... and while doing that i do understand you and life...

dealing with people feel the emotions..listen to every details and moves.. stealing their fears.. facing our truths of worries, cut apart hopes..and impermanence i learned one thing.. i need to be honest...

step aside , stop and relax..let it flows.. enjoy every efforts and works that need to be done.. and ambitions are not invited. because i ask my wishes to do their work..

breakfasts and dinners.. our coffees the way we share our meals laughs and silly jokes.. unimportant chitchat your smiles and our serious discussions over many things exchanging glances and simply being together for me that's life

“Forget safety. Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious.” ― Rumi

i need to learn for so many years try to accepting that there is no limitation for love.. it's always okay for me to tell you for thousand times that i love you more now..

“It is true that those we meet can change us, sometimes so profoundly that we are not the same afterwards, even unto our names.” ― Yann Martel , Life of Pi

you said..it is my biggest fear you are not here with me..left alone and this world would be empty.. i smiled why this fear haunt you.. make you forget how beautiful life is.. after all, i am the one who hugging you..now

she asked me you said love is simple and life too how could you say that how could i say not its about... yes or no trust or not go or stay forget or not let go or keep your pains love with no doubts or keep those fears you do choose but please listen first to your heart be honest...

some said, love could be so dangerous.. could hit you, stab you with no mercy but please listen to me.. that is the other story.. love is always gentle, and comforting.. maybe i should say that i am the person who choose asking myself what kind of love do i have.. before i turn to you and hug you say again i do love you...

sometimes i am so speechless.. watching things run so fast.. days and nights.. time likes sands escaping from my fingers.. i am looking into my brown and white hue of my coffee.. then gazing and observing each leave of trees outside my window.. my adventure, journeys..coloring me..and you i have to be honest.. i am... never be the same person..

you said..you love to see me sleeping.. see naughtiness, cleverness...and pureness see me so simple and brave.. i said.. only love could see love.. thanks so much for see me with those

a honeymoon suite of Sasak people beyond this hustle bustle of life.. beyond needs and obligations.. beyond things and rush days always try to find my simple happiness.. and you are my simple happiness...

“All I have is all I need and all I need is all I have in this moment.” ― Byron Katie

from a window building at old city Lombok

i said many times that i love to be alone.. traveling..let myself listen more..and talk less be free from pain as i add more space and stay far..observing get lost in others past and history it was before you asked me to walk with you be with you.. and insist me to love togetherness as much as being alone you are right..

we reached out and touched our souls.. could they see what we see? so many subtle emotions invited here with us..

trees and leaves are stories keepers of...people and love

this drawing...have you and I...and love

all the words and sentences disappear.. i am so weak.. whenever seeing love goes beyond the border of life and death.. simply connecting the dots of unknowing knowledge into acceptance.. and our hearts listen, angels keep quiet.. because only humans dare enough to experience this...

could you see two of them, baby? under the red umbrella, on the sofa.. sun light shone.. their faces were glowing, with their eyes were brighter than the morning sun itself... they looked at you..radiate with enormous understanding.. finally they are together again.. always forever in love..

my precious.. so sorry for being insensitive i couldn't dare enough to see behind those laughs.. it is me who said not okay for seeing sadness in you.. fear for it could hurt and break you into pieces.. maybe.. it is time for me, to sit with you.. and glue all the pieces understand love paints impermanence pieces of life into permanence

every morning.. i pour all my taste and feeling into my coffee.. savour every sip and feel like having all the beauty of my days inside my pocket..

reading my notes.. and be with me.. try to indulge and understand the ups and downs of life.. and thanks again.. because you are my mirror always uncomplicated truth and reflecting the beauty of being us

love makes me brave enough to say.. i really need you in my life..

we were looking at the same sky, each of us...wondering and wishing. could we find each other?

deal with my 'dark' feelings first then.. sitting, having coffee with you... everything is crystal clear now... maybe it is true.. need to listen to myself  before listen to you...

“The main condition for the achievement of love is the overcoming of one's narcissism. The narcissistic orientation is one in which one experiences as real only that which exists within oneself, while the phenomena in the outside world have no reality in themselves, but are experienced only from the viewpoint of their being useful or dangerous to one. The opposite pole to narcissism is objectivity; it is the faculty to see other people and things as they are , objectively, and to be able to separate this objective picture from a picture which is formed by one's desires and fears.” ― Erich Fromm , The Art of Loving

life could offer you this self image a mask to make you feel okay some keep adding layers after the pains so people think they are immune from pain always survive and brave for me.. i prefer to show my feelings the pains and failures..the heart breaks my tears my smiles as the ways i say give up i realize it is easier for me to let others see "me" be vulnerable.. so love could take my hands and braveness is another nick name of my honesty...

and yellow leaves fell down on the wet road..swirling before and my sneakers say hello to them.. sky and clouds and me..every morning talking in language of stillness it is only jogging at the morning, they say I say..its my time to have an amazing dialogue with this grand universe

we do have our stories... there will be an ending.. I need to accept that and still life offers me to see beyond and not let others dictate my A or Z make it simple.. enjoy and let go my ambition once a while hug passion so passion and me collaborate in every work I do remind me to always laugh with mornings and when ever I am with you we embrace the moments.. life is simple..why we make it complicated

for days and nights.. I havent known you yet never known there is you waiting for me and i am waiting for you.. for days and nights.. we are not together.. they tell me.. that I do simply love you..

you asked me do you have this feeling? yes, so much.. I do sit with my jealousy.. long enough.. open up and discuss my past long enough so they could describe "me" and they don't see you through my eyes.. not coloring my love with fears sometimes they walk with us, but they are busy with their own business and we could sit and have our cups of coffee.. looking into each others with love..

i giggle when they say no to me.. for me honestly... no is.... yes in disguise and it is fun to experience the transformation...from no to thousands yes..

reading Matsnawi... makes me forget that my feet are on here, the earth.. my soul is flying to its source where love is the only word.. others keep silent and take a bow going home...

jogging this morning and I could feel my feet kissing the earth..in rhythm inhaling the air..morning breeze smells of breakfast and coffee from houses, the hectic of beginning the day while i passed and peeking thru their windows and leaves, flowers, grass, clouds..and my soul they think it is just an ordinary day, starting the routine I love to tell you once more..please, dont take it for granted morning is beyond amazing...

remembered my wish long ago when saw some writers had meeting in one cafe..sipping their coffee,,,and talking passionately their eyes were gazing outside between their discussions...it was cloudy day they had tons of things to be enjoyed I could see creativity sat with them feeling down inside  knowing they had lived abundance lives writing and sharing the feelings  I was damn jealous now... I am sitting at the same cafe drinking my coffee and writing... the shadows of them..and my wish all are staying with me... learned one thing today that my wishes never leave me

go beyond my assumptions forget about limitations.. I am listening to what others say but I could not say no to opportunities and miracles

whenever I say.. I trust you.. the same question is there do I trust me? I love you.. and this question appears without doubt do I love myself as I am....

asked me; is it okay for having this feeling afraid because you never felt this jealousy before for me your honesty always inspires me creating thousands and thousands more ways to tell you this i do love you as you are

I do make mistakes.. and I do love them.. they are my best friends stay with me and keep calling me they observe me and tell me...okay, forget your self image image that diligently I build day by day so people think I am good enough to be part human and part angel after all..I do love my mistakes they don't see me as angel never but they do give me my wings

and why do I have to be tense when I see people get tense and try to make me it is about choices and I choose to imitate life be calm ...and flowing

why do I have to be tense? this universe is flowing..and be content not in rush or want more... not eager to create my future controlling every results questioning every responses maybe I do get tense whenever I resist to walk hand by hand with life keep asking life to walk based on what I want

reading these totally different genre books, stepping on different worlds how to enjoy life a la french women while Steve Berry takes me to antwerp and china, chased by some eunuchs and fifty shades talks about dark modern Cinderella story. a cup of coffee and books, a perfect combination for me they let me live thousands lives, could be anyone and not losing me at the same time

80 Breakfasts: Breakfast #62: Bacon and Eggs en cocotte : I've always been a touch shameless when it comes to adapting inflections and expressions from other cultures.  I take what I like and use i...

forgot who I am feeling like I have lived here for so long love the foods, and the people I did steal their life for some days drinking coffee with them and icy wind blew over our faces walking in fast pace around the city but you were the one who did remind me to go home.. and be with you.. travel with me, you asked me.. walking in slow pace you and me Jogja and Ubud Paris or Seoul Ho Chi Minh where ever life takes us

“Love is the whole thing. We are only pieces.” ― Rumi

listening to you and sip my coffee.. caressing your face with my eyes.. it's raining and smell of fresh coffee is all around us watching your laughs while telling you my jokes.. for me, heaven is here

It is cloudy outside.. already finished my coffee.. looking deep into my heart see the fears the past is a ghost haunting every words or things you do I may easily judge you and have new reasons to escape from dependency sometimes you look into my eyes and say..stupid things in your brain..let them go yes, some are gone..few are there You offer me another cup of coffee..add some milk to be honest I prefer to say I love you and ready for consequences of being in love

with these imperfections.. we are perfect, baby.. because we welcome our imperfections...

over cups of coffee, she told me whether she has a perfect relationship or not. checklist is kept in her handbag all should be met right time with the right person and for years she keeps talking and waiting maybe she does fall in love with her checklist not with the one whom with her now

be imperfect... so I could be a perfectly human that has wings to soar

is it interesting? that I cannot control things that I want to maybe... this tells me that opening up and be a brave one are huge leaps to meet myself face to face feeling the true love inside

“Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself.” ― Rumi

you said.. I cant stop loving you.. I did smile and say..have known this before I met you.. that I do love you completely “Words are a pretext. It is the inner bond that draws one person to another, not words.” ― Rumi

let others win the game smile with them while they are spreading their winning grins watch them adding their prides be kind so life will let you win the real important ones for you because you focus on them and not on small unimportant things

life should be light and flowing...

could you find us in thousands of promises love notes, hopes..kept in Seoul tower please, find us.. in simplicity of love when reality is accepted by our egos and love should be easy and comforting

feeling the vibe from new places.. its beauty, icy breeze, cold weather and yellow leaves surrounding by strangers try to taste how they think, feel and love, their history traveling and being alone make me realize the beauty is inside and whatever I see...I see beauty whoever I see...I see love and missing you more

“Travel brings power and love back into your life.” ― Rumi

wiser or not smarter or not I always shrug my shoulders and wink my pride doesn't laugh knowing others have their weaknesses

I am crowded with thoughts and feelings.. my attention is taken by events, journeys, places, people, seasons.. life is running too fast seeing you, with you or not missing you.. makes me cry please stop..so I could linger on every detail of us I need to freeze all in a moment, but I could not.. maybe it is true that only love could freeze our life... make it stop for a moment in us

"No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.” ― Nelson Mandela , Long Walk to Freedom

jump so high laugh, giggle do crazy and silly things wondering around and be amazed by every detail of my life could not stop this, I swear I am just a kid trapped inside

learned one thing today running away from reality means... running away from meeting with myself fear to acknowledge the "me"

do you know what is my favorite place to hide? it is in your arms.. i could thinking nothing but feel everything

what do you see? moons, stars, suns, vast sky, clouds, mountains, lakes past, stories, hopes, wishes, and love an universe in me you have yours whenever your eyes meet mine we become the center of those beauty

there is only one way, i guess accepting the reality getting nowhere if we try to run away starting here, right beside acceptance

now, you could see directly to their hearts some are getting closer others prefer to add more to your sadness please, contemplate on love give them permission to stay far as they need to but keep your heart open wide so they could come if they want to

be careful with what you ask for things come easily... just be friend with your heart

I asked life so many questions life answered it is easy to stay in love when could see him as he is

my dear.. why do you keep chasing him? prays and waiting for so long its him inside your brain..ticking and knocking maybe its time letting him go enjoy the feeling of tears relieve it is not because he could be replaced it is because you need to see life goes by

had  a tiring day yesterday made you and me... thinking of how life should be and yes, sometimes when we asked the question.. love was not one of those answers I said that's life c'est la vie those bumpy roads make my life and yours more adventurous and its okay as long as we could sip our coffee and enjoy one fine day after and forgiveness say...am I important or not? we laugh as usual

find me among my dreams.. what ever I do.. breakfasts, lunches, dinners alone or with you through sleeping or wide awake strolling down at night or busy reading or writing Paris, London, Jogja, Ubud.. where ever I go dreams ignite me make me walking in wonder breathing with hopes and listen with love they say I am too old to believe in dreams I say its okay to believe in myself

don't feel sorry.. c'est la vie.. for beauty we have, this abundance of simple luxury.. that's because we celebrate life as it is

your face,  my laugh, and the way you tell your stories... they are wonders.. remind me again and again that you are beyond okay to be who you are

do you really think? that people, events, friendships did collaborate pains, laughs, smiles even failures did meet secretly to create opportunities they discussed for nights and days behind our knowledge do u see now? they are laughing in satisfaction when see us walk together acknowledge that our past stories are intercepting into us and now

today, i want and need to slow down be lazy, no multitasking, no jogging do one thing in one time.. not tether focus on my blackberry..rushing to answer e mails.. its not a sin to slow down and enjoy

today is not your another ordinary day come and look at those details slow down... simple happiness, they are around you, scattered, waiting....

dear me, there is only one way .. fear or love and please choose love over fear.. because love tells,  fear is only a shadow you are getting tired by chasing persons or place that promise you safety don't blame them..they are innocence just like fears

there is a shiny gold sun inside my coffee.. it appears whenever i talk to you our discussion are crowded with understanding, simplicity, honesty in hours and days...this warm sun stays with me

I do under estimate my life when assuming that I have such an ordinary life

i said you are annoying me you looked directly into my eyes smiled, winked, and said, you are too.. we laughed 

it is always..drinking a cup of coffee with you makes me forget that I had to spend years before I am sitting with you now

so amazing how things are coming my way no conflict,and  for me..humanity is about borrowing your sights looking deep into your heart and brave enough to be humble saying again and again.. you are the one who make me complete.

are with us now.. whispering, make us looking into each others' eyes

they may sit with you now.. tap your shoulder lightly.. smile while you keep insist staring to the other direction far away

The first living cell came into being nearly 40 million centuries ago, and its direct descendants are in all of our bloodstreams. Literally you are breathing molecules this very second that were inhaled by Moses, Mother Teresa, and Bono. We are vastly interconnected. Our fates are inseparable. We are here because the dream of every cell is to become two cells. And dreams come true. In each of you are one quadrillion cells, 90 percent of which are not human cells. Your body is a community, and without those other microorganisms you would perish in hours. Each human cell has 400 billion molecules conducting millions of processes between trillions of atoms. The total cellular activity in one human body is staggering: one septillion actions at any one moment, a one with twenty-four zeros after it. In a millisecond, our body has undergone ten times more processes than there are stars in the universe, which is exactly what Charles Darwin foretold when he said science would di

in Jogja where time stops, unfolding her rich history and the past..salute for them and us, find us simply for feasts, celebrating each moment of ours

did they make me cry? my tears streamed down, trembling saw those silvery blue white did you talk to me could you? forgive me, face to face with your undistinguished beauty these eyes of mine forget to remind me to stop and admire, simply be grateful

an opening door to the world where we could see clearly and feel love without surreal judgements no false ego, it is just another journey of pure enjoyment with no separation allowed yes, its fear that tells you other stories and while we are here let our love is the only language to be spoken

“When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind, and fearless.” Byron Katie

“Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.” Erich Fromm

did I blame you for those mistakes? forgive me because it was me who gave you a power to drive my life