risa story

come and sit with me,,, beautiful sky outside..and we have our coffee.. i know.. love and happiness in others could ignite your insecurities, the powerless you.. are afraid because have to walk in the land of your un knowing ness alone but please be okay with them.., hugging weaknesses.. and be okay with your reflections on me.. simply celebrate, because we are only humans,,,, “Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties.” ― Erich Fromm

i don't believe any premonitions, mine or others.. because premonitions talk with the same language with the past.. two of them stubbornly refuse to go further.. the fact is.. they are afraid of seeing and meeting me..

this undefined guilty feeling came.. could not understand why life and love were not kind enough.. no stories or reasons for me no simple answer offered.. i am speechless.. maybe this hustle bustle of life carried me away.. from me,,, no translation of what i feel... maybe it is time for me to accept that i know nothing...

because when ever i see you..i am strong enough to carry your pains.. your worries are in my pocket.. learn to laugh with you.. be okay with your secrets.. when ever we are together.. i do listen to your simple weirdness and uniqueness.. keeping you in my arms.. like a warrior and a lover at the same time... it is love unconditionally..

i do understand the past.. but i ask myself not become a mind captured, strangled, directed by my past

there is a necessity, life given for me, revisiting certain places.. with different or same persons.. in better understanding, with new "eyes" and new realizations.. unfinished business, an old scenario need to be re opened.. i do thank life for welcoming me to rewrite my own stories.. and.. i do thank life for being in love with you..

refusing to act the same..in the name of what they called spirituality.. please forgive me for being different.. because after what i saw.. how could i cheat my own eyes.. witnessing angels there, surrounding without choosing or judgment just giving and in totally love.. waiting.. i am lucky enough to be invited once again seeing what sky is talking about..

discussed about angels and devils.. for me..it might be there are no devils.. only angels who forget to come, visit me.. remind me to believe and trust love...

am i wrong for thinking that i am right..? am i right for thinking others know better than me..? am i honest enough.. for feeling okay whether i am wrong or right..? for i could be in the same tune with my heart...

i do admit there are certain persons or certain events that could "push buttons" on me.. uncontrolled response bursting emotions.. i could not help these could easily bury me deeply.. when ever they happen.. i do whisper to my past.. okay i think you should let me go.. and the past answers.. it is difficult.. but i do assure you.. i do promise i ask love to come along.. and acceptance accompany you..

i am a romantic one.. cry easily and feel deeply in almost everything.. enjoy my morning coffee like it is my last one.. while looking into your eyes and eagerly find reflections of me and us.. i do learn how to love without asking us to choose the future..

i do questioning myself..for too afraid of my mistakes and failures.. asking why secretly -if i could- i want to change my past how could i believe too much on my assumptions, predictions.. insanely create a "me as center" world.. i do asking myself to slow down.. indulging me as i am.. accepting that.. i resist experiencing pains and fears.. not allowing myself indulging my doubts.. and along the way.. i walk side by side with myself..

“If someone offered you a pill that would make you permanently happy, you would be well advised to run fast and run far. Emotion is a compass that tells us what to do, and a compass that perpetually stuck on north is worthless.” ― Daniel Gilbert

there are ways in understanding love.. for me.. it is simply stepping into uncomfortable feelings, the uneasiness..fragile me a realization hit me it is me, whom love needs to know first..

for years.. people and their stories are being kept faithfully.. make me realize.. my story is just another adding to theirs.. but this love makes mine special.. i love you..

sky is my ego destroyer.. merciless.. destruct my stories.. don't listen to my image melting mine into thousand pieces of dust.. how could i say no for experiencing this humble and unknown me..